|The Consent Gamble|
|Written by Paul|
|Wednesday, 27 June 2012 06:09|
There is something that doesn't get talked about much in the subject of consent, and that is that almost all of us have, at some point, taken a gamble on it - in fact it's probably the main way that consent is negotiated outside of the narrow confines of the kink community. Because most of the time, when you go to kiss someone, or when you try to screw them, you are not 100% sure if they are going to be into it. Despite the best efforts of sex writers, a great deal of our sexual negotiations are nonverbal and unspoken. Most people do not say "Can I kiss you?" before they try it.
What you do is, you try and get a sense of the person: how they are reacting to you, their body language, how they move when you step closer to them. We read all these nonverbal cues, and then, at some point, we go for it. We lean in, maybe grab them in a passionate manner, and everybody who has done it will recognize the way your eyes lock on as you make a move and you can tell they are going to meet you halfway, or the way their gaze will slide off as they turn their head aside in that move that says "no, that isn't happening."
Because if you want to be strict about it, going in to kiss someone could be called assault, but that kind of strict definition will never fly with the majority of people, because it's one of those moments when you have to take a chance. You aren't sure they want to kiss, so you try it and see what they do, you make the Consent Gamble.
That said, creeping on someone when they are asleep is not the same thing. I find it interesting that if the genders were reversed in this chapter, it would seem much creepier, but it is a truth that not many men, waking up to find an eighteen-year-old blonde sucking them off, would complain about it.